4 Months Later

It’s been a while.

I started a new job in the south east of England, and without hesitation, it has consumed my life.

That said, I’m genuinely enjoying the role. I enjoy the position, the team I work with, and the sheer amount of new skills I’m learning, many of which I can take into my personal life.

However, as I mentioned in my previous post before starting this job, I certainly haven’t managed to become kinder.

The stress of the role, combined with the expectations and demands placed on both me and my team, feels relentless. Weeks of 75–85 hours (40 being over hours), have become the norm. And through it all, there hasn’t been a single “thank you” to be heard.


So I find myself back at the beginning again.


After wondering what happened, I started noticing myself becoming angry, impatient, and mean to people. I caught myself wondering whether I should be teaching everyone lessons instead of showing them understanding.


That’s when I remembered this blog..

And, ultimately, I remembered the promise I made to myself, the one I’ve clearly failed to keep.

“Be kinder, be a softer and kinder man.”


The thought resurfaced after being let down by someone and spending days asking myself:


Why?


Which, naturally, led me down a rabbit hole of thoughts:


“What’s not good enough about me?”

“Why is someone else better?”

“Why does it even bother me?”

“Where does this hope stem from?”

“Where do the anxiety and fear come from?”

“Is this anxious attachment?”

“Why haven’t I been happy lately?”

“Why have I been so angry at work?”

“What’s happening to me?”


And eventually, I realised something:

It’s time to regulate yourself again.


My trust might be damaged once more, but perhaps this was the world’s way of giving me the wake-up call it knew I would understand.


So I did what I do best - I shocked myself.

I went online, found a plane ticket, didn’t overthink it, didn’t ask the question, and simply slammed “Pay Now.”


Because sometimes the only way to reset is to throw yourself into something new - a proven method to both grounding and regulating myself. 

And so this time…

We’re going to Morocco! 🇲🇦

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